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Little Manny went to school and he was cool, he loved all his classes
They all voted him most likely to succeed
Made class president and off he went to the big university
Made his parent real proud and the girls hung off his arm

But then it's time to give a speech, and all his words were out of reach
His face turned pale and then he stopped and stared

Then he started jerkin' off to pass the time
Did a little jerkin' off, the solitary kind
Did a little jerkin' off, it's not a crime
To do a little jerkin' off, now he feels fine

Little Manny met a girl who changed his world named Voluptus de la Venti
Had a speech impediment and a cleft pallet
Said, "I love you V!  Come stay with me, live happily ever after"
They made big plans for the perfect wedding day

His head held high, walks down the isle, she cries a tear and cracks a smile
His face turned pale and then he stopped and stared

Then he started jerkin' off to pass the time
Did a little jerkin' off, the solitary kind
Did a little jerkin' off, it's not a crime
To do a little jerkin' off, now he feels fine

Little Manny wrote a song, it goes number one, he's an overnight sensation
They can't get enough of Manny and his songs
Big record deals, success it feels is finally at his doorstep
He leaves his bride for a sold out whirlwind tour

Fifty thousand people, the lights are on, plugs in his guitar to sing his song
His face turns pale and then he stopped and stared

Then he started jerkin' off to pass the time
Did a little jerkin' off, the solitary kind
Did a little jerkin' off, it's not a crime
To do a little jerkin' off, now he feels fine